When I was a little girl, I dreamt of being a doctor, a professor and even a police officer at one point. But never…never did I dream of being ‘wife material’. Never did I think of losing myself to others, losing my identity, my surname, leaving behind my ambitions, my passions to come to an unknown and un-welcomed territory where you are just a wife ,just a body of flesh and blood without a soul, without desire, without self-respect.
If I were to take offence to the term ‘wife material’, people would call me a feminist… So here I am, taking offence. I am a feminist, an unapologetic, well-read and logical feminist, who knows the difference between extremism and feminism. I believe in women’s right but never support women supremacy or hate the other gender. I measure the pros and cons and search for equalism and if that’s what being searched by feminism ,then I am a true blue Feminist.
On completion of my graduation, a so called wife to someone(who, by the way, does not even know my full name) said to me, ‘You should now start mastering household chores, learn from your mom, you know, just to polish your skills. You’re a good girl Anushree but you’re not wife material. To marry a decent guy, you’ll have to work on yourself else your marriage will not survive’. I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a forty-something Aunty, or your so not welcomed relatives for that matter
who have daughters and believe that a girl needs to become wife material to marry a ‘decent’ guy?
To my surprise, there is a check-list to be a “wife material” and it goes like this…
1.Teetotaller,the only drink you have ever tasted should be the ‘soft drink’!
2.Smoke(does this term exist?)
3.Party,only satsaang please !!!
4.Male friends(Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte)
5.Ability to cook like Sanjeev Kapoor and Tarla Dalal of the world
6.Never talks back to elders or husband even if they are wrong
7.Fasting for husband’s wellbeing
8.Ability to improve him
9.Ability to cover him
10.Ability to value his opinion
Being patient, compromising, respectful, mature, low-drama blah blah. All these with a character certificate to add on. When few of these are sounds to be manageable in idealistic scenario. Few are outlander.
So this one’s for them and everyone else (men and women) who believes that I am not wife material…Innately I am not wife material. PERIOD!
You are certainly right, I am not wife material. I was not born to become a wife, that is a choice I am free to make. I was born to become a writer, a singer, a doctor, an engineer, an artist, an architect, a lawyer or whatever else I want to become, but no… I was not born to be ‘wife material’. I was not born to be a convenience to anyone, or to massage someone’s ego. I was not born to drown my passions, hobbies, goals and even my identity just so I could comply to the ‘suitable match needed’ column in the matrimonial section.
Who to marry, When to marry is my prerogative. And largely, whether or not to marry, is a critical and meaningful decision. I will not apologize if my chapatis are not round, if I am wearing “not so covering” cloths or if I party late night, or if I have male friends or for not fasting for my husband’s well being or
for expecting my future husband to respect my career as much as I intend to respect his.
When I take a man to be my husband, I will stand by him through thick and thin, through the darkest of his nights and the brightest of his days. I will protect him and defend him and love him and allow him to do the same for me, and for that I do not need to be wife material. I do not want a so-called ‘decent guy’ if he expects me to regard my passions inferior to his, or if he expects me to quit working just because I married him, or if he objects to me having male friends after tying the knot with him.
I am not wife material. I am girl boss material, I am say loud and clear material, I am self-driven, future leader material, I am intellectual game-changer material, I am independent high-flying material, I am never-say-die fighter material… But no, I am not wife material, and I do not apologize for that.